Following on from the first part of The Path to Awakening, I share the next part of my journey ‘Which way now?’

Which way now?

… I look around me, taking everything in. Where am I? I do not at first recognise my surroundings and then slowly I begin to remember, a place, a time of long ago where I stood right where I am now and I know in that instance… I AM ALIVE!!!

The exhilaration of that very statement runs like electricity through my veins!!  How wonderful it feels to get out of the prison of my own creation.  Yes I see it now, it was a prison I had held myself in and now, now to be free of those weighty restraints leaves me light.  I feel my feet jumping around, the adrenalin I have pushing my forwards, backwards, upwards and downwards.  I can’t seem to keep still.  This momentous occasion will be with me forever, I hope.  This awakening, this I know to be my own enlightenment for right now, I know, my Spirit has wings!!

I look around me, taking in my surroundings.  I am in a place of such beauty.  In front of me there are sun and blue skies stretched out as far as the eye can see.  At this moment in time I am ready to embark on my journey, I feel the energy within me pushing me forwards.  As I search around me I see that there are many paths that trail out from my centre position of now.  Each look as wonderful as the next, so how do I know which way to go?  I stand for some time balancing out the pros and cons in each of the directions.  Trying to decide what will greet me on each path and where each is destined to go, but there are no signs, there is no visible way which will lead me to where I want to go.

I feel myself spinning round and round, looking at each of my options, none giving me the answers I need.  I start to feel so dizzy, the fogs beginning to cloud my mind once more.  My inner compass spiralling out of control as my mind rotates at a rate of knots, flying around trying to find the answers, take in all the options.  All I want right now is to stop the spinning, to find that centre space within me but I just can’t seem to keep it in my sights.  I feel as if I am on the roundabout of my life and there is an outer source spinning round and round.   Once again I feel myself falling, falling from the dizzying heights of perceived enlightenment, I feel the fear once more, where will I end up, where will I go?  I can’t stand to go back to that place, that prison in the darkness.  My life flashes in front of me, the opportunities that lie before me, my dreams and ambitions spinning around me, all melding into one… and then… then I find it, from deep within.  I find my voice and a shout, I scream the word that I know will cease this relentless torture; SSSSSTTTTTOPPPPPPPP!!

In that instance I am still.  I am back to where I always was.  Back to the cross roads of my life but this time, instead of trying to work out where I should go, I close my eyes, find my breath and centre myself deep into my heart.  I am in the centre of my heart and I surrender, in that very moment I surrender to where I am going and I feel my feet taking one step in front of the other.  No need to run, no need to crawl.  With each step I feel my heart opening up, I know, without opening my eyes, I am on the right path.  I am on my path of the Heart.

Amy Palko has started a little group where we each talk about our beliefs. I personally love this idea and have decided that I really must join in!!

So here goes…

I believe…. that children are our future!!

Yes, yes I know!! The wonderful Whitney and George Benson sang about this very thing and how right they were!

With 3 wonderful children of my own, this message hits home each and every day.  From my youngest of 5 who questions the world we live in at least 10 times a day to my eldest at 14 who is discovering, once again, who she really is.  Each remind me of how important my job is.  As most of us know, you do not receive a bountiful manual when your precious little ones are placed in your arms for that very first time, although everyone and their dog wish to ‘help’ you with their thoughts on how you ‘should’ and ‘shouldn’t’ bring your child up, there certainly aren’t any hard and fast rules.  What worked with my eldest daughter, Kira certainly did not work for her sister Abbie and the same goes for my little boy Ben.  With each child I have had to change the way I mother them, teach them and guide them, sometimes even how I love them.  It sounds absurd doesn’t it?  You are told you are meant to treat them all the same, love them all the same but how on earth can you, when each is so remarkably different?  It goes without saying that I LOVE each of them but I love different things about each of them.  For instance, I love the way my little boy gets words wrong like bspetti (Spaghetti) and the way he looks at each day as a new adventure.  I love how he cuddles up beside me and squeezes me tight.  I love his ability to see the fun in the mundane.  My middle child, Abbie, who is 10, is such a remarkable girl.  I love her confidence, her ability to turn any opportunity into a performance, the way she comes across as so very independent but I know deep inside her she needs my guidance and support.  I love how she is creative, never without a pen and paper.  My eldest daughter Kira she has such a soft, beautiful nature.  So giving and caring, she is the one her friends turn to when they are in distress.  I love when she strums her guitar and sings at the top of her voice when she thinks no one is listening.  I love the tone and texture of her voice.  I love to see how she grows and how she is really finding out who she is right now, saying that, as much as I love it, it is the part of her that causes me so much pain.  For I know and understand what it is like to be a 14 year old, beautiful girl with many insecurities and how important it is to ‘fit in’.  I really do dislike those words ‘fit in’.  Fit into what?  Someone else?  Someone else’s views?  Likes, dislikes?

I realise how important it is to invest in our children of the now, in order for them to realise the blessings of the future.  It isn’t always easy, and like them we learn as we go along but I do believe in them, with much love, honour and awe…. I really do believe that our future is completely dependant on our wonderful children and I believe as a mother of 3, as a woman that my belief is necessary to allow them to grow and in the words of the greats, ‘let them lead the way’….