Following on from the first part of The Path to Awakening, I share the next part of my journey ‘Which way now?’
Which way now?
… I look around me, taking everything in. Where am I? I do not at first recognise my surroundings and then slowly I begin to remember, a place, a time of long ago where I stood right where I am now and I know in that instance… I AM ALIVE!!!
The exhilaration of that very statement runs like electricity through my veins!! How wonderful it feels to get out of the prison of my own creation. Yes I see it now, it was a prison I had held myself in and now, now to be free of those weighty restraints leaves me light. I feel my feet jumping around, the adrenalin I have pushing my forwards, backwards, upwards and downwards. I can’t seem to keep still. This momentous occasion will be with me forever, I hope. This awakening, this I know to be my own enlightenment for right now, I know, my Spirit has wings!!
I look around me, taking in my surroundings. I am in a place of such beauty. In front of me there are sun and blue skies stretched out as far as the eye can see. At this moment in time I am ready to embark on my journey, I feel the energy within me pushing me forwards. As I search around me I see that there are many paths that trail out from my centre position of now. Each look as wonderful as the next, so how do I know which way to go? I stand for some time balancing out the pros and cons in each of the directions. Trying to decide what will greet me on each path and where each is destined to go, but there are no signs, there is no visible way which will lead me to where I want to go.
I feel myself spinning round and round, looking at each of my options, none giving me the answers I need. I start to feel so dizzy, the fogs beginning to cloud my mind once more. My inner compass spiralling out of control as my mind rotates at a rate of knots, flying around trying to find the answers, take in all the options. All I want right now is to stop the spinning, to find that centre space within me but I just can’t seem to keep it in my sights. I feel as if I am on the roundabout of my life and there is an outer source spinning round and round. Once again I feel myself falling, falling from the dizzying heights of perceived enlightenment, I feel the fear once more, where will I end up, where will I go? I can’t stand to go back to that place, that prison in the darkness. My life flashes in front of me, the opportunities that lie before me, my dreams and ambitions spinning around me, all melding into one… and then… then I find it, from deep within. I find my voice and a shout, I scream the word that I know will cease this relentless torture; SSSSSTTTTTOPPPPPPPP!!
In that instance I am still. I am back to where I always was. Back to the cross roads of my life but this time, instead of trying to work out where I should go, I close my eyes, find my breath and centre myself deep into my heart. I am in the centre of my heart and I surrender, in that very moment I surrender to where I am going and I feel my feet taking one step in front of the other. No need to run, no need to crawl. With each step I feel my heart opening up, I know, without opening my eyes, I am on the right path. I am on my path of the Heart.